"If your dreams don't scare you then they're not big enough"

This past weekend has been very laid-back. I did a lot of cooking, a bit of washing (clothes), a lot of sleeping and a lot of thinking.

Basically it's this.

I'm. Scared. Shitless. Of the future.

I am also growing increasingly worried about my finances. So what does the girl to do solve her problems? She shops. Online. Browses like the world is ending.

My though cycle was like this:

I need to work so I can save more money to stay here - but who would want to hire me, I haven't got business cards, or my portfolio together, I need website! (These all cost money. Need to save money.) - I should be patient and wait until portfolio class to get it all sorted - but what about the time wasted until then, I could be earning money FOR those things - I need to work

It's been doing my head in for the past three days. Frankly, I'm not proud of my attitude because I know I just need to patient and...breathe.

And then I get to thinking how on earth will I ever be as good an artist as I envision in my head? I'm terrified of producing bad, distasteful work. I literally feel paralysed by these thoughts.

I saw a quote somewhere earlier today "If your dreams don't scare you then they aren't big enough". Which made me feel a little better. I guess it was comforting to know that big dreams are scary, and that I'm not the only person who is chasing them. And that it's okay to feel scared at times, because really I'm pushing myself and throwing myself into the great unknown. (wow, corny much?)

This week, I am going to make a conscious effort to be patient with myself. And to remind myself that there is time enough for everything, as long as I have the right attitude.

Anyway enough of these personal reflection stuffs. It must really be boring you to tears, if you managed to read this far down! Sometime this week I will do an update post, updating you since..October last year basically. 

Hello Again

Truth be told I had pretty much given up on the blog, to no fault of its own really. More just me, I didn't want to put the effort in anymore. That combined with things getting rather hectic in the lead up to my departure to New York, and then settling in once getting here...the blog had no chance really for any of my attention. I also felt that I was really unclear, in my own head, about what I wanted the blog to be, about my vision essentially, and if I really had anything important to add. I just feel like it's all been said and done already. Isn't that such a depressing thought? To be frank I'm not cut out for blogging, it is a fairly big commitment and I think I'm the type of person that very much prefers to read and scroll through other people's blogs rather than create something of my own. Gah that sounds so awful.

Pitiful really, I'm talking about 'effort' when in reality all I was really doing was reposting up shit that I liked.

Anyway, I'm not entirely ready to let this go just yet. If you're up for it please do join me on my journey. I still don't have my 'vision' or 'message', it's not crystal clear. I think I've been holding back and trying to think up something perfect for too long though, it's time just to get started (again).

Have patience with me. :) My goal is to be consistent with content, and with posting.

I'll either be flogging a dead horse or putting my creative inclinations to a more useful avocation.

In the meantime here's a pretty picture that is my current wallpaper.

Photographer: Michael Creagh